Friday, May 18, 2007
DR DORIS!!
hello all and once again,
Melanie's Moment!with..Dr Doris!,haha we've got smashing new letters comin in this week but today since myself and the oh so famous Doctor are very busy trying to figure out the different languages [DISCLAIMER: Dr Doris does NOT speak:
Italian, French, Chinese (Hokkien, Cantonese, Hakka, Teochew, Mandarin), Korean, Spanish, Japanese, Scandenavian, Swedish, African, Latin, Malay, Portugese, Tamil, Canadian, German, and Singaporean.
He/She/It(?) only speaks proper British English.], we will only post ONE letter.
here is the random letter we picked together from our letter wastepaper-basket. uh i mean bin. i meant bag. what i meant was letter Gucci bag. there:
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Dear Dr D,I have a problem. My boyfriend thinks i am too shy.I don't think i am too shy.Does sleeping with you mom and dad at the age of 53 shy?I love my parents and i am still afraid of sleeping alone in the dark.And my boyfriend[who is 14 this year] says i am so old and lazy, i do not do itwith him enough daily. I do it at least 23 times a day. and after i will go back to my parents house( which is my house currently as my parents are bedridden) to sleep so that i can go to work at the senior centre the next day. Can you help me? I know that i am very unique and very seldom young youth like me write in. Therefore, be an awesome hand and give some help to this poor baby.(me) Another question, are you a girl or a guy? If you are a guy, maybe we could meet up without my boyfriend knowing.*hinthint*Loads of wrinkles and dead skin,Shy girl(greece)Dear Shy Greek Old Lady,
geniunely and sincerely, i have attached a namecard of my local psychiatrist. seriously, you need professional help. even though i am one, i only major in psychology and gynaecology. sigh. what i do have for you, however are these bullets:
- You are slightly horrifying from the way you sound.
- Your "boyfriend" is probably your grandson, but I think you have amnesia.
- 23 times- I suggest you buy extra birth control every 4 hours, and please do go for HIV tests.
- You are not young at all, in fact you're as old as century-old ginseng. might i suggest you take some.
- I suspect you are retarded, or have a major case of spacism.
- I do not accept "*hints*".
have a pleasent day, freak.
XOXO,
Dr. Doris.
p.s. My gender is unfortunately undisclosed. But I can tell you i am not a BOY nor a girl. even if i was a man, i would never consider a fossil like you! please do consider Michelangelo though. Him being 532 years old and all, you two make a perfect match.
p.s.s. if i wasn't of help though, please go jump off a building.
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and there you have it. we'll be back for more soon.
G'day, Mates!(no copying)
*hero sound* batman to the rescueee !
