Tuesday, May 15, 2007
good evening my little humblings! it's time for..
Melanie's Moment! today i am pleased to release,
Dr Doris!,the very magical and certified doctor of psychology and gynaecology.
here are your queer letters you sent this week (our closet was storming with notes and letters, but we randomly picked up these 3 different questions). enjoy...
---
dear dr.d,THAT'S ME!dear dr.d,i have a boyfriend who's really really sweet..BUT I HATE HIM.the thing is, he sends me flowers, blows me kisses, is VERY sensitive...BUT I HATE FLOWERS, HE IS TOO GAY, AND HE IS SO GAY.PLEASE TELL ME WHAT TO DO- he is so nice but annoying.from,worst gurl in e' wurl.dear "worst gurl in e' wurl",first, i suggest go get remedial. your spelling sucks.second of all, you are THE worst girl on earth! such a boyfriend- aiyaiyai, i pity him. but yah, you really should be thankful for what you have. maybe when you tell him, he'd either a: start crying, or b: call you a nasty nasty person. or perhaps in a rare case, c: say OK and be gone. if a, you're a goner. boys, don't cry. haven't you watched the movie? expect a call from his MOM. if he does b, you will be doomed as he will cry after, then try to take his life, or worse, yours. if c, i think you'd be fine, except he'll mysteriously dissapear. ooo...good luck in hell,Dr. Doris.---Dear "Doctor",i'm so, EMO. i think penknives are cool, but too common. can you think of other ways to torture oneself? black and dark kissesfEMO.dear fEmo,
three little prompts=
1) might i suggest dripping boiling hot fresh wax all over your hand for the next 3 and a half hours,
2) go to your fridge, pour ice cream all over yourself, cover your face in whipped cream, dunk choco sauce down your shirt AND pants and top it off with nuts and a dozen cherries in your bra. (if you're a boy, put on mom's underwire or sis' push-up on your shirt. you can be "Superbra") you will die of embarrassement if you go like that [for added humiliation, clown shoes?] to your school prom.,
and
3) get therapy!
dark hugs to you too
"Doctor" Doris.
---
Dr D*Cube,wassupx?i hrd u're doin a clmn,so i jst rote 2 say hi n mke a shoutout to mi frenz.hi!! :)dearest whoever you are,
YOU'RE SO LAME AND STUPID.
i'm sorry, you are wasting my very precious column time, and like little miss "i dunno how to spell girl and world", please, do go for english remedial together. utterly nonsensical.
Dr Doris.
p.s. my name isn't 'D-Cube'.
:+:+:+:
now that we have revealed these 3, hopefully you'll join us once more for episode two, and maybe even write in a little something.
Au Revoir!(no copying.)
*hero sound* batman to the rescueee !
